I HAVE COME TO AN UNDERSTANDING, THAT MY PERCEPTION OF REALITY IS EVER-SHIFTING

Most of us hinge our decisions on what appears as truth. Over a lifetime, I found that

I was submerged in streams of varying experiences, each event morphing me into who

I am now. The unfolding of each day presents opportunities to redefine my expectations of what is possible. Yet, I had developed this fear that I am a product of interconnected decisions, and choices.

As young wives, start-up entrepreneurs, stay-at-home mothers, college graduates, you build your goal based on precedents. As a result, you may stutter in your desire to dream wide, and aim high. I grew up convinced that my journey was predetermined. I believed my action or inaction added no tangential influence on how my life played out. I struggled with questions. Are my choices responsible for my situation? I grappled with fear at every turn. Could I trust the people I knew, the truths I believed? I strived to subject my beliefs to the litmus test. My inability to arrive at a conclusion kept me awake through the nights. I worried that I was asking too much of myself; of the things that I couldn’t change.

Accepting that uncertainty was not unhealthy marked a pivotal moment for me.

I found that we are wired to seek assurance before commitment. We are convinced of a job employment only after we receive an appointment letter. We could be holding the winning lottery in our hands and still wonder if the money is truly ours. Mothers watch the sonogram display, yet they fret that the baby might slip away if they blinked. We burn the proverbial oil for exams, but we are plagued with thoughts of failure. We are constantly reaching for assurance.

Yet we must confront the voices that make us second-guess our aspirations. With art, I can easily give voice to my ego. My work informs my courage to walk through the tunnel, rather than skirt around it. I do not have to restrain myself from striding forward because of the panic of what-ifs. The most important pivotal point for me was when I lost my brother. It changed everything.

I knew I had to stop holding back because life is too short to be lived in fear. My choices may neither tilt towards perception nor reality. I can always center on the balance between both features. I believe our experiences mirror nature. A clear blue-sky triggers memory of spring, of blooming flowers and bright colors, yet flips into a heavy downpour before our eyes. Airing our fears, our nagging sense of imperfection, supplies us the courage to walk through them, to proceed despite them.

I consider art an invitation to unravel the trueness of our own selves. The feel of swatches across the canvas, of colors exploding to life, can prove to be a definitive exposure for you. Imagine the deep insight of holding a work that reflects your accumulated emotions. Art, for me, is a capturing of our most sincere selves. I invite you to come onboard and risk the open seas with me to experience the fearless adventure ahead of us. 

© 2020.